Holiday Parties!

The Holidays are Here!

            We just wrapped up our HUGE birthday/holiday party for my boss. What an amazing event! It was, once again, held at the house and we had an incredible 750 guests! We built a large “pergola” in the street to allow us to handle such a crowd. We were planning for months and setting up for weeks. At last count, it required 350 people to make the party happen! What a wonderful thing to do at this time of year, employ 350 people when jobs and work are so scarce! I was honored to again work with so many talented and hard working people. Our chef, Jennifer Johnson, created a world-class menu and managed the numerous vendors she had chosen to participate in the event.

            The event went on without a hitch. It poured rain, and we were dry. Power was out all over Pacific Heights, but not on our block. The guests came early and were treated to fabulous cocktails by our friends at Rye on the Road Beverage Catering, gourmet wood-fired pizzas by Evan Shivley, a spectacular seafood display by Aquatic Culture, the best sushi in the Bay Area by Sushi Ran, delicious Asian Fusion food by Umami Restaurant, a fabulous cheese display, artisanal charcuterie, ice cream by ICI, and the most incredible cake you have ever seen by Julie Durkee of Torino Baking. Everyone had an awesome time celebrating my boss’s birthday and the holidays. Everyone (well, almost everyone) behaved well and got home safely. The big party got me thinking about how one should and shouldn’t act when a guest in someone’s home. You’re likely to be headed to a holiday party or two in the next couple of weeks. Keep these rules in mind and you’re sure to have a wonderful time and make a good impression on folks you don’t know and solidify or improve your reputation with those you do know.

·      Bring along a nice gift for the hostess. A simple and easy gift is a bottle of wine or champagne. Remember that it is not up to you when your host serves the wine; you gave it to them as a gift and they can choose to open it whenever they like. The wine you brought may not go with the meal that is being served. My wife happens to like particular champagne, so we often bring two bottles, one for now and one for later. If your host doesn’t drink, any small gift will do. Coasters or festive cocktail napkins are a fun gift to give and to receive. Get creative and give your hostess something related to an interest of theirs. I think something in the range of $20-$30 is about right for a hostess gift.

·      Don’t drink too much. It’s easy to get carried away at Holiday parties, but it’s important to know your limits. A good rule to follow when drinking is to alternate an alcoholic drink with a glass of water. If you do have too much to drink, don’t drive. You can ruin a lot of people’s Holidays for the rest of their lives if you die or kill someone while driving. For the cost of defending yourself against a DUI, you could have taken a cab to New York!

·      Black tie means black tie. No, a dark suit will not do. Ladies, dress your best. These days the opportunities are very seldom to wear formal attire, so do your best to enjoy the chance to “dress.” See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_tie for details of black tie attire.

Have fun and enjoy the holidays!

Below are a few photos from the big party. I'll do another post in the near future with full details of the amazing event!

Thanksgiving

            I love this time of year. The smell of the air changes and the days are shorter and cooler. But the reason I love the fall the most is because it’s the beginning of the holiday season. As soon as Halloween is over, it’s time for the wonderful bounty of the fall. We love to entertain during this time of year. I often bring home fresh pheasant and we serve them to our guests with seasonal vegetables like butternut squash, bitter greens, sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts.

            My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. As a kid, I remember that we would have our Thanksgiving dinner at either our house, my aunt’s house, or my uncle’s house. All of my Dad’s side of the family would get together and we would have a big feast. It was always a fun affair and often the only time during the year that I would see some of my extended family. The family who was hosting would be responsible for the turkey, stuffing and gravy, and all of the family members would bring various dishes. One year we had an informal contest to see which cousin could eat the most pie. I won with 21 slices, but lost it later.

            In recent years (when the economy has been booming) we have all been splurging on luxury. This Thanksgiving, I recommend a simple, delicious dinner that doesn’t require a chef’s knowledge to execute. Enjoy cooking a simple, beautiful meal and reflect on all that you have to be thankful for. Here’s my menu that is simple, easy, and delicious.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Sage Roasted Free Range Turkey

Giblet Gravy

Mushroom Stuffing

Brussels Sprouts with Bacon

Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Cranberry Relish

Pumpkin Delight

To make your Thanksgiving Day less hectic, some of the work can be done in advance. Here is the schedule and recipes.

Tuesday:

Make Cranberry Relish (the flavor improves as it sits for a couple of days).

Cranberry Relish

2 cups orange juice

1 cup sugar

1 cup honey

3 cloves

1 pinch ground nutmeg

1 cinnamon stick

2 bags cranberries: freeze them for best results.

In a large pot, combine all ingredients except the cranberries. Bring to a boil and reduce until there is a cup to cup and a half of liquid.

Pour frozen cranberries into the pot and stir until all of the cranberries burst (more or less).

Pour onto a sheet pan to cool. Serve chilled or at room temperature.

Wednesday:

Peel potatoes and place in a large pot for cooking. Add a few cloves of garlic to the water.

Make roasted wild mushroom mix for stuffing. Select 3 or 4 varieties of mushrooms. If any exotic mushrooms (like hedgehog, black trumpet, porcini, chanterelle, or woodear) are available, add a few to a mix of shitake, crimini or portabello, and oyster mushrooms.

4 cups mushroom mix: shitake, crimini and oyster

Remove the stems from the shitake and oyster mushrooms and cut into bite sized pieces.

2 cups exotic mushrooms cut into bite sized pieces (use more of the mushroom mix if you can’t get exotic mushrooms)

½ bunch fresh rosemary, chopped

½ bunch fresh oregano, chopped

½ bunch fresh sage, chopped

2 medium size shallots, chopped

4 cloves garlic, chopped

Olive oil

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. On the stove, heat a large sauté pan with about ¼ cup of olive oil. Add the shallots and garlic and sauté until shallots are translucent (should be about a minute). Add the mushroom mix and chopped herbs. Sauté until the mushrooms are soft, about 5 minutes. Place pan with mushrooms into the oven and roast for 30-45 minutes or until all of the water from the mushrooms is absorbed back into the mushrooms. Remove from oven and cool to room temperature. Refrigerate for use on Thursday.

Cut up 1½ loaves of French bread (your choice, I like a whole wheat sourdough) into 1 inch squares and toast in the oven at 300 degrees until they are completely dried out. Once cool, store them in a plastic bag for use on Thursday.

Prep Brussels sprouts and bacon. Halve the Brussels sprouts and store in the refrigerator for use on Thursday. Cut bacon into ¼” sized pieces. The bacon can be cooked at this point or done on Thursday. Cook the bacon over medium heat until crispy and the oil begins to foam. Drain off the fat and let cool to room temperature. Store in the refrigerator overnight.

Thursday:

Sage Roasted Turkey

1 12-15 lb. turkey, preferably organically raised

1 bunch fresh sage

¼ lb. unsalted butter, cut into small cubes

Salt and Pepper

Roast the turkey. Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Set the rack in the oven on the lowest position. Unpack turkey and reserve neck and giblets for the gravy. Rinse the turkey with cold water, then pat dry with paper towels. Place turkey on a rack in a roasting pan. Slide your hand between the skin and the breast and place butter inside. Place the whole sage leaves (stems removed) all over the inside of the skin. If you are going to stuff the turkey, do it now. Mix one whole egg with 3-4 cups of the mushroom and bread mix and add one cup of water or chicken stock. Fill the cavity of the turkey with the stuffing. Reserve any leftover stuffing mix to cook separately. Put one cup of water in the roasting pan, and place turkey in the oven. Roast for one hour without basting. After the first hour is up, rotate the pan180 degrees and add another cup of water. Roast another 45 minutes, basting every 15-20 minutes. The total roasting time should be 2-2.5 hours. Using a meat thermometer, insert into the thick part of the thigh, near the bone, but not touching. The temperature should be 160 when done (the residual heat will continue to cook the turkey after it’s been removed from the oven). If the turkey is getting too brown and is not yet done, cover loosely with aluminum foil for the remainder of the roasting time. If the turkey is stuffed, add approximately 45 minutes to the roasting time. Use the meat thermometer to check that the temperature in the middle of the stuffing is at least 150 degrees.

Wild Mushroom Stuffing

Mushrooms cooked on Wednesday

Bread toasted on Wednesday

1 stick unsalted butter (4 ounces)

1 cup chopped yellow onion

1 cup chopped celery

1 ½ teaspoons salt (preferably kosher salt)

½ ground black pepper

2 eggs, beaten

1½ cups chicken broth

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Butter or spray with Pam a 9x13 Pyrex pan if not stuffing the turkey. In a large skillet, melt butter and sweat onions until translucent. Add celery, salt and pepper and remove from heat. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and fill cavity of turkey, or place in the Pyrex pan. Cover pan with aluminum foil and place in oven. Cook for 45 minutes covered, then remove cover and continue to cook for another 15 minutes. Remove from oven and serve!

Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Potatoes peeled on Wednesday

½ - 1 cup crème fraiche or sour cream

4-8 ounces unsalted butter, cut into cubes

½ - 1 cup buttermilk

Salt and pepper to taste

If the potatoes were in the refrigerator, take them out and let them get to room temperature well before you need to cook them. (If you forget, don’t worry, they’ll just take longer to boil.) Boil potatoes until they are cooked through (poke with a knife and see that they are soft all the way through).  Strain the potatoes in a colander. Put ½ of the butter into the pot that the potatoes were cooked in. Using either a ricer or a food mill, pass the potatoes through until all potatoes are used. Add some of the crème fraiche or sour cream and buttermilk. Stir until smooth and season with salt and pepper. Adjust taste with more buttermilk, butter, and crème fraiche or sour cream. Make sure to use enough salt to get your desired flavor!

Giblet Gravy

(The gravy is made after the turkey comes out of the oven)

Pan juices reserved from cooking turkey

¼ cup all-purpose flour

4 cups turkey stock (chicken stock will do as well)

Skim fat from pan juices and reserve 1/4 cup fat. Add 1 cup turkey stock to roasting pan and deglaze over moderately high heat, scraping up brown bits. Add to remaining 3 cups stock and bring to a simmer. Whisk together reserved fat and flour in a large heavy saucepan and cook roux over moderately low heat, whisking, 3 minutes. Add hot stock to roux in a fast stream, whisking constantly to prevent lumps, and simmer, whisking occasionally, until thickened, about 10 minutes. Stir in additional juices from turkey platter and season gravy with salt and pepper.

Brussels Sprouts with Bacon

Prepared Brussels sprouts and bacon

3 tablespoons olive oil

4 tablespoons unsalted butter

Water, as needed

Salt and pepper to taste

Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add Brussels sprouts and brown. Once the Brussels sprouts have begun to brown, add ½ cup of water and the butter and cover. Cook until tender. If water evaporates before they are done, add more water. Once they are tender and all of the water has evaporated (if they are done and there is still water in the pan, drain off the water), add the bacon. Cook for a minute or two, tossing until the bacon is hot and crispy. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Pumpkin Delight

20 oz can pumpkin

13 oz can evaporated milk

2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice

½  teaspoon salt

1 cup sugar

3 eggs

¾  cup chopped margarine or butter (I use butter)

1 c. chopped walnuts or pecans

1 package dry yellow cake mix

Mix together milk, spice, sugar, eggs, salt & pumpkin. Pour into 9x13 pan that has been sprayed with Pam or another vegetable oil spray, top w/ dry cake mix, chopped butter & nuts. Bake at 350 degrees for about 40-50 minutes, until knife poked in the center comes out clean.

(Cover loosely w/ foil if top becomes brown.) Serve w/ whipped cream or ice cream --- or both!!

Ask the Butler – Entertaining

            I truly love to entertain. I feel like there is nothing more enjoyable than inviting guests into your home to share a meal. In my house, I’m in charge of the food and wine and music, my wife is charged with the table setting and décor. I love to try to cover every detail in planning the party. I recently had a little faux pas when we invited some guests over for a family dinner. I decided on cooking rabbit, because I hadn’t cooked it in a while. I really love to make rabbit, it’s so delicious when done well and goes well with earthy red wine. Our guests were on their way and the rabbit was well along it’s way to being ready when I remembered that the children of our guests had a pet rabbit. It was too late to change what I was making, so what to do? I had to tell them. I told the father when they arrived and it wasn’t a big deal. I told him we could tell them it was chicken, but he told them the truth and they were okay with trying it. (I am okay with lying about food if it gets a child to try something they wouldn’t otherwise try.) I probably wouldn’t have cooked rabbit if I had remembered that the kids had a rabbit for a pet!

Below are a few more questions, sent by my friends, that can help you entertain better and avoid an awkward situation.

Q.            I am having a group of about 10 adults over to dinner, but their eating habits are all over the map (one's a vegetarian, one keeps kosher, etc.).  What is the best way to accommodate them all?

A.             When entertaining it’s important to keep in mind what you goal is. Simply, it is to make your guests feel comfortable and at home in your home. You want to accommodate all of your guests without killing yourself. It’s best to have something that each distinctive guest can eat. For my kosher guest, I would find a local kosher deli or restaurant and serve him or her something from there. Your friend will be quite pleased that you made the effort to accommodate their special diet. For the vegetarians, I would include one or two dishes that are vegetarian that everyone would like, maybe guacamole and a crudite platter. For serving dinner to the vegetarians, I would simply leave the meat (or fish, etc.) off of the plate and serve them a little larger portion of the side dish and vegetable. Make sure to plan the quantity of your side dish and veggies accordingly if they will be the main course for your vegetarian friends.

Q.             Cocktails before dinner: When is it appropriate to serve a chilled sherry?  Any favorites?

A.            There are two types of sherry, fino and oloroso. Fino sherry is pale, light and best served before dinner, chilled. oloroso is aged longer, sweeter, and more robust, making it a better choice for dessert or an after dinner drink. For a sherry apertif, try a Sherry Cobbler, described by pioneering mixologist Harry Johnson in 1882 as “without doubt the most popular beverage in the country, with ladies as well as with gentlemen.”

Sherry Cobbler

4 oz  fino sherry

½ tablespoon superfine sugar (also called “Baker’s Sugar”)

Slice of orange

Berries

1.    Cut a slice of orange 1/8 of an inch thick, then cut it in half.

2.    Muddle the orange slice and a few of the berries gently in a cocktail shaker.

3.    Fill shaker with ice and add the sherry and the sugar.

4.    Shake and pour, unstrained, into a tall glass and artfully place a few pieces of fruit on top.

5.    Serve and hark back to the time when this was the most popular drink in the country!

Q.             We are having a party with 50 or so people.  There has been some bad blood (cheating spouses, etc.) amongst some of the guests.  Should I dis-invite any of the offending parties?

A.            If you have already sent the invitations, well, you’re up a creek. When planning a party, one of the most important things to consider is the guest list and how everyone on it interacts with each other. It is slightly boring to have a party that is attended by only those who really like each other. I often throw in a wild card to see how it goes and keep the evening interesting. The caveat is that I know the wild card well enough to know that they won’t be too much trouble. My advice: Cancel the party and reschedule for two dates, separating the guests with bad blood. If this is not possible, go to your local sporting goods store and pick up a few pairs of boxing gloves. If it gets ugly, at least you can have the battling factions entertain your guests!

No you say?

We say no all the time (especially if we’re parents!). No you can’t come in, no you can’t eat that, no you can’t have more. A babysitter once told me about a family that she worked for that did not allow her to say no to their child. Imagine walking around New York City with a 3-year old child that you couldn’t say no to! That story reminds me of something I have learned in the time that I have been an estate professional.

Wealthy people don’t believe in the word “no.” It’s often what got them to where they are! In my work, I often am asked to do seemingly impossible things and do them now. Get me a custom made bed in two weeks, reserve dinner tonight at the most exclusive restaurant in town, book me a charter flight in an hour, do a million dollar renovation in 12 weeks, and the list goes on and on. I have learned to let my clients say no, and never say it for them.

“Sir, I can get you that reservation. I will have to tip the maitre’d very well, is that okay?” or “We can certainly make the renovation happen in 12 weeks. It will require significant overtime which will make the project run 40% over the initial bid; is that okay?"

As you get to know your employers, you learn what they want and eventually you don’t need to ask them. You know that when they say they want to eat at a particular restaurant, you make it happen, whatever it takes. You will sometimes need to ask when it doesn’t make any sense to go ahead with a project that is a waste of money.

I recently had a situation where the air conditioner for the master bedroom was not working. It had recently been replaced, so it didn’t make any sense that it wasn’t working. We found that the problem was a leaking coil, which was covered under warranty. Problem was that it was going to take a month to get the necessary part. So, do I spend $15,000 on a new unit and have it done right away, or wait for the part? An easy decision for you and me, we wait! I had to ask because I wasn’t sure of the pain point of my employer. Was it worth $15,000 for them to have the air conditioner working right away, or could they wait and have it done for free. They decided to wait. You can find out what is more important to the principal, getting what they want or parting with some of their money, it’s most often getting what they want.

This mentality can also be one of the biggest challenges of the job. Your boss never expects you to say no, or that you can’t do it. Never believing in “no,” or that it can’t be done, likely played a large part in the success that the principal has achieved.

In one of my early jobs, I was the House Manager, Chef, Housekeeper, et al. The Mr. expected me to cook lunch and dinner for his family 6 days a week, clean his 11,000 square foot home (with 4 small children doing what they do!), grocery shop and run errands, manage and maintain all of the systems in the house AND tag along with every vendor that came into the house and make sure they did their job properly! Consequently I was working 12 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 to 8 hours on the 6^th day. Not a great way to have a life! After almost a year of doing my best to manage, I had to talk with them about the work situation, and we mutually decided to end the relationship. Not the outcome I was looking for! The job was a blessing because it got me into this field, but in the long run it was not a situation that I could sustain for a long period of time.

If you stop believing in “no” maybe you’ll get more of what you want in your life. It’s really hard to do, but I am getting better at it because I work at it very hard and I am around so many people that don’t believe in “no.” Can you imagine your life if you didn’t believe all of the limiting thoughts that you have? I can’t start that business because I don’t have the money, or contacts, or experience, I can’t ask that girl or guy out because I’m not good looking enough, I can’t host that party because I don’t know how to entertain. I could go on all day listing the things we limit ourselves with, but the reality is that the only thing that really limits us is our limiting thoughts. The uber-wealthy and ultra successful don’t believe in limits and that is what makes them so. They are no different than you and me, they have ups and downs, they argue with their spouses, have disagreements, and so forth. You can be the same as “them” if you don’t believe in “no” and the thoughts that limit you.

Ask the Butler!

A few months ago I asked a few friends to send me some questions that they would ask a butler. I had fun with the questions and enjoyed the exercise. I would love your questions as well. Send them to me directly at jared@jaredmiles.com. I hope you learn something and will contact me with questions that I can answer to make your life easier and more efficient!

The men's pocket square: Linen, does it need to be sent out to be professionally laundered or can this be accomplished with a regular iron? Recommendation on a fold pattern?

I like to launder and press my linen and cotton pocket squares myself. Cotton pocket squares I wash with like colors. I use hot water for my white ones, warm water for dark colors and cold water for bright colors that may have a tendency to fade (purple, red, etc.).

Linen can be washed in similar fashion, although it’s safer to use warm water, as using hot water every time that you wash your “squares” will weaken the fibers. Then dry them in the dryer and remove them while they are still damp. (You can omit this step if you will soak your squares in liquid starch). Over-drying can also compromise the integrity of the linen fibers.

At this point, it’s time to starch your square (for both linen and cotton – not silk!). I always use Sta-Flo brand liquid starch. It’s concentrated and is intended to be mixed with water to give you your desired “crispness.” For pockets squares, I recommend a ratio of one part starch to 6 parts water. Mix in any container that is suitable (and clean!) and soak you squares. Remove them and squeeze the liquid out of them and allow to dry until damp (you can dry them in the dryer until damp if you’re in a hurry).

Finally, it’s time to iron them. I always iron them into a square (fold in half, then in half again). Use a good steam iron at high heat. I like Rowenta irons, although they can be pretty expensive. Many of my housekeepers like the Black and Decker that is $29.99 at our local hardware store. Iron from the center out, making sure to pull the edges as you iron to get a crisp, straight edge.

To fold, I generally like to first fold the square into thirds (or so, making it thin enough to fit into my jacket pocket) and then fold from the bottom up an inch or two, making it just tall enough to sit an inch outside of the jacket pocket.

House Cleaning: what is the best solution for cleaning windows if you want to stay "green?"

I like to use a solution of equal parts white vinegar and hot water. It’s less toxic than ammonia and won’t discolor aluminum window frames, or react with window putty. I also use a squeegee rather than paper towels, and wipe my squeegee with a thick, absorbent cloth. You can also use just hot water with a few drops of dish soap. In that case, if streaks occur, use less soap. Both solutions can be transferred into spray bottles if desired.

When traveling with a packed bag, better to have shirts laundered on a hanger with a garment bag or should one have shirts folded?

I have for many years had all of my shirts laundered and on hangers. When I travel I pick a few shirts to take and I usually put them in a folding garment bag if I am travelling by aircraft. The problem is that I always end up touching up my shirts when I arrive at my destination. If I had the foresight to choose my shirts before I travelled, or kept some of my shirts aside for travelling, I’d have them folded at the dry cleaners. If you are going to wear the shirts with a jacket, the only part that is visible is the front of the shirt, from the navel to the neck. With folded shirts, that part is perfectly ironed! If I’m travelling by automobile, I hang the shirts in a garment bag and I wouldn’t do that differently if I had the aforementioned foresight!

What is a Butler?

I once told a young man that I was a butler. His response still makes me laugh today. He said “Oh, that’s awesome, you just sit around in a big house and wait for someone to ask you for a drink. I’d like to do that.” While that may have been the case at some point in history, it’s certainly not so today.

The profession of Butler has been around for centuries. The word butler means “a male servant or head of the household,” and comes from the Roman word “buticula” meaning bottle. After countless bacchanalian orgies, the bottle became synonymous with the person carrying it around to the average partygoer. The word evolved from Latin, through French into its current form of “butler,” but the idea has essentially remained the same: to cater to the needs and pleasures of the wealthy. (Thank you to my friend Steven M. Ferry for his research and insights in his book Butlers & Household Managers: 21^st Century Professionals.)

The butler has evolved from the era of castles with staffs of 300-400, in which the butler was in charge of the table and the wine, to times of improved technology (from refrigeration to irons, dishwashers, etc.) where smaller staffs were needed. The butler, still being a valued member of the staff, became the head of the household. Today, in the United States, the title Butler is used interchangeably with House Manager, Major Domo or Butler Administrator.

I feel that when a family is looking for a butler, they are seeking a refined and sophisticated individual who can comfortably interact with them and their guests. My employer had an English butler for a long time, so they wanted someone with the same tact and skill to interact with them and their many high level guests. The butler is essentially the intermediary between the principals and their staff, and often the houseguests.

In my case, I am charged with running the staff (of 15), overall maintenance of the residence (including managing construction projects and maintenance of all systems in the house, audio/visual, HVAC, electrical, pool, computer systems, etc.), directing and overseeing the service to the principals and their guests, and planning and managing events. This is the formal job description, but I am often called upon to do much more than these tasks. In previous positions I’ve also been the cook, housekeeper, and maintenance man, among other things!

Today’s butlers are called upon to be the one steady and consistent navigator in an ever-changing home and world. We are the person that the family has entrusted with the management of some of their most precious possessions, and, more importantly, their family and guests. We know the most intimate details of the family, but we never tell. We are trusted with the family’s money, and we don’t waste it. I am honored to have been invited into the homes of some of the wealthiest families in the world. It’s a challenge, it’s fun, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else!

Graciousness

Graciousness

What does it mean to be gracious? The dictionary defines gracious as “courteous, kind and pleasant or pleasantly indulgent.”

I see examples of gracious living every day, and examples of the antithesis of gracious living, as well. Money is not required to live graciously; class is.

We have recently had open displays of poor etiquette: Serena Williams’ outburst at the U.S. Open tennis tournament, Kanye West hijacking the microphone at the MTV Video Music Awards, and regular outbursts of anger (cursing, pounding clubs into the ground) by Tiger Woods on the golf course. These are all very public examples of poor etiquette and manners, but we see it every day in our lives. We have the phenomenon of road rage that has escalated from mild irritation with another driver to drivers killing other drivers for a real or perceived driving infraction. People on the bus or the train don’t offer their seats for women or the elderly.

I found this list of the Ten Characteristics of a Gracious Person and it’s right on. Here it is:

1. A gracious person is slow to take credit and quick to lavish praise

2. A gracious person never seeks to embarrass another

3. A gracious person is always thanking others

4. A gracious person doesn’t monopolize the conversation

5. A gracious person doesn’t try to play “one up-manship”

6. A gracious person pays attention to people

7. A gracious person desires to say what is appropriate

8. A gracious person looks out for the comfort of others

9. A gracious person understands that he/she is not indispensable (indispensable)

10. A gracious person constantly points out the good that he sees

When we live graciously we give a gift to the world that spreads like wildfire. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we had more people like Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Cary Grant, or Derek Jeter? By living graciously we affect everyone around us in a positive way, thereby helping us get more of what we want. In the case of personal service this means service providers that are happier, more loyal, more willing to serve, and that’s just the beginning. When you treat people with the respect they deserve and really mean it, people want to do a better job for you. It’s not about how much you’re paying someone that makes them happy (though it is important to be fair), it’s how you treat them that really counts. Their life will be positively affected, and because of this, yours will be too.

Formality

Formality

Unfortunately, formality is all but lost in today’s world. Casual Friday has become casual everyday. Even our President has shown us his casual side, appearing in an address to school children without a tie and an open collar. Now, I’m all for casual. I love wearing jeans and a polo shirt on the weekend or workout clothes going to and from yoga class. The issue here is that formality breeds respect, something that we are lacking in our me, me, me, now, now, now culture.

I’ve had the opportunity to work in many homes, all with varying levels of formality. I found that for many reasons households that are more formal tend to run more efficiently. By more formal I mean the homeowner is the boss and I am clearly an employee, not a muse, a possession, or friend. This may seem obvious but, more often than not, it isn’t.

So, how can the formality between you and those who provide you service make your life easier and more efficient? First, there needs to be a mutual level of respect. In a previous job, where I lived on the premises, my employer believed I was always available to cater to their every whim. For me, this meant when I wasn’t working I either had to be out of the house or sneaking around to try and not be seen.

In a more formal relationship, the employer understands that you work certain hours and you shouldn’t be disturbed by anything less than an emergency when you’re off. By maintaining a level of formality and respect for your nanny, housekeeper, gardener, etc, you can be rewarded with an employee that is not overworked or burned out. Your employee will be happier because the respect is flowing both ways. Most estate professionals are accustomed to showing their employers respect without expecting the same in return. Not only is it beneficial to you, as the employer, it’s the right way to treat other people. I think it’s especially important to treat those you have invited into your home to provide service with respect. An additional benefit of maintaining a formal relationship with your service providers is that it is easier to ask them to do something you wouldn’t be comfortable asking (or telling) a “friend”. For example, it’s easier to tell your employee the bathroom was not cleaned to your satisfaction than it is to tell your “friend.”

In your home it is important to maintain a level of formality to get what you want done the way that you want it done. Have respect for those who provide you a service and they will respect you and what you want in return (and not just because you’re paying them!). This goes for all of your service providers, the dry cleaner, your waiter at a restaurant, the clerk at the grocery store, to name a few. I have no problem asking for what I want and getting it in almost any circumstance. I have respect for those who are serving me.

What is luxury?

What exactly is luxury?

Almost everything that we purchase today is marketed as a luxury item. We have luxury cars, luxury luggage, luxury hotels, luxury spas, luxurious clothes, and the list goes on. Is this really the luxury we're looking for? Luxury is defined as "a pleasure out of the ordinary allowed to oneself". All of the "items" that we own are, in a material sense, luxurious. We don't really need designer jeans or t-shirts, expensive sheets or a BMW. They are luxury items.

What the wealthy have that we seek is the luxury to manage our time. To not let our possessions manage our time. How is it that a wealthy woman can have a baby and have her perfect body back in just a few short months? To start, she'll have a nanny to care for her newborn so she can rest and get back to her daily routine. She may have a chef to prepare healthy meals for her. She may also have a personal trainer to help her get into shape quickly. I'm not saying it's not possible to do it otherwise. Regular women do it often, but all of the women we see on television and on the runways get back into shape extremely quickly. It is simply because they can afford the luxury of having other people make decisions for them that they don't need to make. You don't need to make the decision of what to have for dinner if you have someone who knows your preferences cooking your meals. You are free from the thought of it all together!

Many time-consuming tasks can be managed this way. You can have someone who manages your schedule, wardrobe, housekeeping, parties, and so forth. The luxury we are really looking for is to have someone else do everything for us. Unfortunately, this is not realistic for most people. What is realistic is managing our possessions and time-consuming tasks to the point where they don't overwhelm us or take up too much of our time. We choose what we want to do and not do, either directly or indirectly. Most of us don't go to the trouble of ironing our shirts (or our spouse’s), so we send them out to the cleaners. The time it takes to wash, dry and iron our own shirts is more valuable to us than the couple of dollars it costs to have someone else do them.

I believe we should look at all of the tasks in our life this way.

How do I really want to spend my time?

What is it worth to me to have that time?

How can I get what I want and still afford my needs?

I would like to help as many people as I can organize their lives this way. My goal is to help you spend the time on what you want to do, not what you have to do. Send me an email with your most time-consuming task and I’ll help you find a solution to make your life easier!

The Good Life, Simplified

What goes on behind the gilded doors of the rich and famous? Everyone seems to want to know. Everyday no fewer that a dozen tour buses pass by the mansion where I work. Many more tourists walk by and, if the door happens to be open, try to peer inside. I even had a few ladies ring the doorbell and tell me they were wondering if they could have a look around (the answer was no!).

So what is it that everyone expects to find? What is it that these rich people have that we all want to know about? Where do they keep the gold plated Ferrari? Is the Mr. hanging around drinking scotch and smoking a cigar? The answer is that what goes on in the homes of the rich and famous is not much different than what goes on in your home. They eat there, they sleep there, they have guests over for lunch or dinner (okay, their guests are more interesting than yours!). I'll explore with you what it is specifically that makes the lives of the rich and famous interesting.

The first thing that the wealthy have that makes their life different is the luxury to choose what they do everyday. Tasks are not chosen for them (laundry, preparing meals, running errands, etc.), they choose what they want to do. This is one of the beauties of having money, the ability to hire someone to do things that you don't like or don't want to do. My career has focused on how to help my clients live the way that they want. One of the key factors is that these people have really thought about how they want to spend their time and they created the service around them to facilitate that. I contend that you don't have to be a multi-millionaire to have a better life with more time to spend on what you want to spend time doing.

This blog is about giving you, the reader, a peek into the lives of the uber-wealthy and how the insights that I share can help you live a more rewarding life. A life where you get to choose how to spend your most valuable resource, your time.