No you say?

We say no all the time (especially if we’re parents!). No you can’t come in, no you can’t eat that, no you can’t have more. A babysitter once told me about a family that she worked for that did not allow her to say no to their child. Imagine walking around New York City with a 3-year old child that you couldn’t say no to! That story reminds me of something I have learned in the time that I have been an estate professional.

Wealthy people don’t believe in the word “no.” It’s often what got them to where they are! In my work, I often am asked to do seemingly impossible things and do them now. Get me a custom made bed in two weeks, reserve dinner tonight at the most exclusive restaurant in town, book me a charter flight in an hour, do a million dollar renovation in 12 weeks, and the list goes on and on. I have learned to let my clients say no, and never say it for them.

“Sir, I can get you that reservation. I will have to tip the maitre’d very well, is that okay?” or “We can certainly make the renovation happen in 12 weeks. It will require significant overtime which will make the project run 40% over the initial bid; is that okay?"

As you get to know your employers, you learn what they want and eventually you don’t need to ask them. You know that when they say they want to eat at a particular restaurant, you make it happen, whatever it takes. You will sometimes need to ask when it doesn’t make any sense to go ahead with a project that is a waste of money.

I recently had a situation where the air conditioner for the master bedroom was not working. It had recently been replaced, so it didn’t make any sense that it wasn’t working. We found that the problem was a leaking coil, which was covered under warranty. Problem was that it was going to take a month to get the necessary part. So, do I spend $15,000 on a new unit and have it done right away, or wait for the part? An easy decision for you and me, we wait! I had to ask because I wasn’t sure of the pain point of my employer. Was it worth $15,000 for them to have the air conditioner working right away, or could they wait and have it done for free. They decided to wait. You can find out what is more important to the principal, getting what they want or parting with some of their money, it’s most often getting what they want.

This mentality can also be one of the biggest challenges of the job. Your boss never expects you to say no, or that you can’t do it. Never believing in “no,” or that it can’t be done, likely played a large part in the success that the principal has achieved.

In one of my early jobs, I was the House Manager, Chef, Housekeeper, et al. The Mr. expected me to cook lunch and dinner for his family 6 days a week, clean his 11,000 square foot home (with 4 small children doing what they do!), grocery shop and run errands, manage and maintain all of the systems in the house AND tag along with every vendor that came into the house and make sure they did their job properly! Consequently I was working 12 hours a day 5 days a week and 6 to 8 hours on the 6^th day. Not a great way to have a life! After almost a year of doing my best to manage, I had to talk with them about the work situation, and we mutually decided to end the relationship. Not the outcome I was looking for! The job was a blessing because it got me into this field, but in the long run it was not a situation that I could sustain for a long period of time.

If you stop believing in “no” maybe you’ll get more of what you want in your life. It’s really hard to do, but I am getting better at it because I work at it very hard and I am around so many people that don’t believe in “no.” Can you imagine your life if you didn’t believe all of the limiting thoughts that you have? I can’t start that business because I don’t have the money, or contacts, or experience, I can’t ask that girl or guy out because I’m not good looking enough, I can’t host that party because I don’t know how to entertain. I could go on all day listing the things we limit ourselves with, but the reality is that the only thing that really limits us is our limiting thoughts. The uber-wealthy and ultra successful don’t believe in limits and that is what makes them so. They are no different than you and me, they have ups and downs, they argue with their spouses, have disagreements, and so forth. You can be the same as “them” if you don’t believe in “no” and the thoughts that limit you.