Graciousness

Graciousness

What does it mean to be gracious? The dictionary defines gracious as “courteous, kind and pleasant or pleasantly indulgent.”

I see examples of gracious living every day, and examples of the antithesis of gracious living, as well. Money is not required to live graciously; class is.

We have recently had open displays of poor etiquette: Serena Williams’ outburst at the U.S. Open tennis tournament, Kanye West hijacking the microphone at the MTV Video Music Awards, and regular outbursts of anger (cursing, pounding clubs into the ground) by Tiger Woods on the golf course. These are all very public examples of poor etiquette and manners, but we see it every day in our lives. We have the phenomenon of road rage that has escalated from mild irritation with another driver to drivers killing other drivers for a real or perceived driving infraction. People on the bus or the train don’t offer their seats for women or the elderly.

I found this list of the Ten Characteristics of a Gracious Person and it’s right on. Here it is:

1. A gracious person is slow to take credit and quick to lavish praise

2. A gracious person never seeks to embarrass another

3. A gracious person is always thanking others

4. A gracious person doesn’t monopolize the conversation

5. A gracious person doesn’t try to play “one up-manship”

6. A gracious person pays attention to people

7. A gracious person desires to say what is appropriate

8. A gracious person looks out for the comfort of others

9. A gracious person understands that he/she is not indispensable (indispensable)

10. A gracious person constantly points out the good that he sees

When we live graciously we give a gift to the world that spreads like wildfire. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we had more people like Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Cary Grant, or Derek Jeter? By living graciously we affect everyone around us in a positive way, thereby helping us get more of what we want. In the case of personal service this means service providers that are happier, more loyal, more willing to serve, and that’s just the beginning. When you treat people with the respect they deserve and really mean it, people want to do a better job for you. It’s not about how much you’re paying someone that makes them happy (though it is important to be fair), it’s how you treat them that really counts. Their life will be positively affected, and because of this, yours will be too.

Formality

Formality

Unfortunately, formality is all but lost in today’s world. Casual Friday has become casual everyday. Even our President has shown us his casual side, appearing in an address to school children without a tie and an open collar. Now, I’m all for casual. I love wearing jeans and a polo shirt on the weekend or workout clothes going to and from yoga class. The issue here is that formality breeds respect, something that we are lacking in our me, me, me, now, now, now culture.

I’ve had the opportunity to work in many homes, all with varying levels of formality. I found that for many reasons households that are more formal tend to run more efficiently. By more formal I mean the homeowner is the boss and I am clearly an employee, not a muse, a possession, or friend. This may seem obvious but, more often than not, it isn’t.

So, how can the formality between you and those who provide you service make your life easier and more efficient? First, there needs to be a mutual level of respect. In a previous job, where I lived on the premises, my employer believed I was always available to cater to their every whim. For me, this meant when I wasn’t working I either had to be out of the house or sneaking around to try and not be seen.

In a more formal relationship, the employer understands that you work certain hours and you shouldn’t be disturbed by anything less than an emergency when you’re off. By maintaining a level of formality and respect for your nanny, housekeeper, gardener, etc, you can be rewarded with an employee that is not overworked or burned out. Your employee will be happier because the respect is flowing both ways. Most estate professionals are accustomed to showing their employers respect without expecting the same in return. Not only is it beneficial to you, as the employer, it’s the right way to treat other people. I think it’s especially important to treat those you have invited into your home to provide service with respect. An additional benefit of maintaining a formal relationship with your service providers is that it is easier to ask them to do something you wouldn’t be comfortable asking (or telling) a “friend”. For example, it’s easier to tell your employee the bathroom was not cleaned to your satisfaction than it is to tell your “friend.”

In your home it is important to maintain a level of formality to get what you want done the way that you want it done. Have respect for those who provide you a service and they will respect you and what you want in return (and not just because you’re paying them!). This goes for all of your service providers, the dry cleaner, your waiter at a restaurant, the clerk at the grocery store, to name a few. I have no problem asking for what I want and getting it in almost any circumstance. I have respect for those who are serving me.

What is luxury?

What exactly is luxury?

Almost everything that we purchase today is marketed as a luxury item. We have luxury cars, luxury luggage, luxury hotels, luxury spas, luxurious clothes, and the list goes on. Is this really the luxury we're looking for? Luxury is defined as "a pleasure out of the ordinary allowed to oneself". All of the "items" that we own are, in a material sense, luxurious. We don't really need designer jeans or t-shirts, expensive sheets or a BMW. They are luxury items.

What the wealthy have that we seek is the luxury to manage our time. To not let our possessions manage our time. How is it that a wealthy woman can have a baby and have her perfect body back in just a few short months? To start, she'll have a nanny to care for her newborn so she can rest and get back to her daily routine. She may have a chef to prepare healthy meals for her. She may also have a personal trainer to help her get into shape quickly. I'm not saying it's not possible to do it otherwise. Regular women do it often, but all of the women we see on television and on the runways get back into shape extremely quickly. It is simply because they can afford the luxury of having other people make decisions for them that they don't need to make. You don't need to make the decision of what to have for dinner if you have someone who knows your preferences cooking your meals. You are free from the thought of it all together!

Many time-consuming tasks can be managed this way. You can have someone who manages your schedule, wardrobe, housekeeping, parties, and so forth. The luxury we are really looking for is to have someone else do everything for us. Unfortunately, this is not realistic for most people. What is realistic is managing our possessions and time-consuming tasks to the point where they don't overwhelm us or take up too much of our time. We choose what we want to do and not do, either directly or indirectly. Most of us don't go to the trouble of ironing our shirts (or our spouse’s), so we send them out to the cleaners. The time it takes to wash, dry and iron our own shirts is more valuable to us than the couple of dollars it costs to have someone else do them.

I believe we should look at all of the tasks in our life this way.

How do I really want to spend my time?

What is it worth to me to have that time?

How can I get what I want and still afford my needs?

I would like to help as many people as I can organize their lives this way. My goal is to help you spend the time on what you want to do, not what you have to do. Send me an email with your most time-consuming task and I’ll help you find a solution to make your life easier!

The Good Life, Simplified

What goes on behind the gilded doors of the rich and famous? Everyone seems to want to know. Everyday no fewer that a dozen tour buses pass by the mansion where I work. Many more tourists walk by and, if the door happens to be open, try to peer inside. I even had a few ladies ring the doorbell and tell me they were wondering if they could have a look around (the answer was no!).

So what is it that everyone expects to find? What is it that these rich people have that we all want to know about? Where do they keep the gold plated Ferrari? Is the Mr. hanging around drinking scotch and smoking a cigar? The answer is that what goes on in the homes of the rich and famous is not much different than what goes on in your home. They eat there, they sleep there, they have guests over for lunch or dinner (okay, their guests are more interesting than yours!). I'll explore with you what it is specifically that makes the lives of the rich and famous interesting.

The first thing that the wealthy have that makes their life different is the luxury to choose what they do everyday. Tasks are not chosen for them (laundry, preparing meals, running errands, etc.), they choose what they want to do. This is one of the beauties of having money, the ability to hire someone to do things that you don't like or don't want to do. My career has focused on how to help my clients live the way that they want. One of the key factors is that these people have really thought about how they want to spend their time and they created the service around them to facilitate that. I contend that you don't have to be a multi-millionaire to have a better life with more time to spend on what you want to spend time doing.

This blog is about giving you, the reader, a peek into the lives of the uber-wealthy and how the insights that I share can help you live a more rewarding life. A life where you get to choose how to spend your most valuable resource, your time.